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#lemme give you a rundown of my life#i’ve spent 60 years in the wilds of the north being a god damn ranger#i’ve tracked down motherfuckin gollum and brought him to mirkwood#do you know what mirkwood is#do you know the kind of spiders that live there#yeah i thought not#i have battled orc armies in THREE CONSECUTIVE MOVIES#I HAVE RAN ACROSS THE FIELDS OF ROHAN#do you know how big that is#it’s like the english countryside but as big and as wide as motherfuckin canada#(i’m guessing)#i have battled the RINGWRAITHS. ya that’s right. all nine of them. WITH A TORCH. AND FOUR HOBBITS WIELDING TOOTHPICKS.#with the one ring as bait#i have been dragged down a cliff by a fuckin warg#i have summoned the armies of the dead to defeat the corsairs of umbar#i have lived a hard motherfuckin life and if you think bad dental hygiene will scare me then bitch the only scary thing about that is the amount of STDs i can catch if i stick my tongue in your mouth#go home. you’ve been dismissed.
THE MOST FUCKING PERFECT OF TAGS
Aragorn’s bitch-please face